For The Sins Of 5782…

… for following directions from Waze with more obedience than any Torah commandments;

… for being upset that we don’t skip enough piyutim and selichot in synagogue;

… for coming to synagogue during the week wearing a Mickey Mouse shirt;

… for completing morning services at home in 360 seconds;

… for re-watching Key & Peele skits on my phone during breaks in davening;

for these sins and thoughts related to prayer services, please pardon us

… for the sin of cursing the gardener and coveting my neighbor’s lawn;

… for using COVID as an excuse for not going to shiva visits;

… for not killing lanterbugs on Shabbos;

… for sincerely asking for forgiveness and begrudgingly giving it;

… for taking the final aluminum tins from Amazing Savings right before the holidays;

… for not speaking up loudly against anti-Semites because they were Jews or from my political party;

… for embracing anti-Semites and their positions in the belief that I will be spared while fellow Jews are carted away;

… for not rallying behind institutions that fired anti-Zionist teachers;

… for not calling out anti-Semitism from other minorities, for fear of being called a racist;

… for not visiting the Temple Mount in Jerusalem;

… for believing that calls for violence are covered under free speech;

… for not doing enough to stop more anti-Semites from becoming members of Congress;

… for not protesting my government’s funding Palestinian agencies that still actively promote terrorism;

… for falsely believing that Tikkun Olam will stop the spread of anti-Semitism and anti-Zionism;

… for screaming at ignoramuses like Whoopi Goldberg rather than educating them;

… for continuing to subscribe to anti-Semitic media which peddles the ‘powerful Jew’ myth;

… for deliberately weakening Jewish institutions with lawsuits and public declarations, rather than finding a way to improve them from within the community;

for these sins and thoughts related to community, please pardon us

… for allowing my children to attend colleges with rampant anti-Semitism;

… for visiting countries on vacation that fund anti-Israel NGOs and condemn Israel at the United Nations;

… for not listening to kids’ recommendation to invest alongside Pelosi, and for listening to them about investing in crypto;

… for calling my uncle a crazy racist and my niece a lazy woke-tard;

… for still not having a proper name for my in-laws, after many years of being married;

… for not calling my parents enough, even when they remind me of that fact constantly;

… for pretending I’m preoccupied when my spouse asks for something I’m not interested in;

… for telling my spouse to change attire; for not listening to spouse’s recommendation on attire; for listening to spouse’s recommendation on dress; for being late to events because of attire;

for these sins and thoughts related to family, please pardon us

… for the arrogance of believing that people read my postings including annoying Wordle scores;

… for believing Shabbos calories don’t count;

… for thinking I’m younger than my age, and not living each day fully;

… for internalizing that living my best life means selfish overindulgence;

… for trying to do too much; for trying to do too little;

… for not spending more time with family, friends, community and You;

for all these things, please pardon us

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