The Zionist Obelisk

Satire?

The discovery of a metal obelisk in a remote desert in Utah has confounded the conventional mind but not the conspiracy minded.

Metal Obelisk in the Utah desert

Rep. Ilhan Omar of Minnesota quickly surmised that “it’s a Zionist tool to hypnotize the world into being silent about evil Jewish actions.

D.C. Councilman Trayon White said that the obelisk is “used by Jewish bankers to control the climate to create natural disasters so they can reap billions to own the cities.

Dr. Achmat Salie, an imam from Detroit said that the obelisk “is used by the puppet-masters in Israel to control all of us like sheep.

Iraqi Legal Expert Abu Yaqeen Al-Musawi said it was a tool for “planting a chip or a virus in people’s bodies in order to control them so the Zionists can reduce the world’s population, and to create a single unified regime that will rule and control the world.

An Egyptian governor, General Abdel-Fadeel Shosha, is convinced that it is a beacon used by “Israelis to control sharks in the Red Sea to attack tourists to harm the Egyptian tourism industry.

The official Palestinian Authority daily Al-Hayat Al-Jadida, said that the obelisk is used by Israel “to poison the air and water of the Palestinians so they can steal their resources.

Dutch Muslim politician Arnoud van Door considered that the column may “control the minds of Muslims to behead people to make governments shut down mosques.

Hiba Husseini, a legal adviser working on the Israeli-Palestinian peace negotiations observed that “the obelisk may a marker for the well-known ongoing Zionist expansionism to take over land all over the world.

Louis Farrakhan, the leader of the Nation of Islam recognized the “altar of the Synagogue of Satan” where Jews conceive of the “filth and degenerate behavior that Hollywood is putting out: turning men into women, and women into men.

Iran’s Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei claimed that the obelisk is used by “filthy Zionist agents” to turn Muslims against Muslims.

KKK leader David Duke warned that the obelisk is a tool of “Zionist power and the Jewish establishment to control the western world.

Former leader of the UK’s Labour Party, Jeremy Corbyn said that ” I strongly suspect that the monolith was planted by Israel to destabilize the world and pit Muslim against Muslim.

French comedian Dieudonne M’Bala M’Bala posted online that “the obelisk is yet another Holocaust memorial dropped on the world by the Zionist Lobby.

Former president of the Students for Justice in Palestine at Hunter College, Nerdeen Mohsen Kiswani said that “this is yet another wall being built by this Zionist-colonial administration reproducing settler-colonial ideology on stolen land.

Rick Wiles, a Florida pastor announced on his TruNews broadcast that the obelisk “is being used by Jews to spread the coronavirus since they deny Jesus Christ.

Rep. Rashida Tlaib tweeted that the obelisk marked the spot “where Israeli settlers kidnapped and drowned a Palestinian child.” Upon discovering that to be unsubstantiated, Tlaib deleted the tweet and then tweeted that the obelisk was established by “White supremacists.” That tweet was also deleted and replaced by a new tweet that it represented a world free of Israel, “From the River to the Sea, Palestine will be free.” She has since deleted that tweet too and is looking for anti-Zionist suggestions.

The British artist Banksy wondered whether the shiny obelisk “is an attempt by Zionists to create a wall which cannot be painted to shut down protest.” He added, listen, “Walls are hot right now, but I was into them long before [Donald] Trump made it cool.

Fellow British artist Roger Waters, founder of the rock group Pink Floyd added “I don’t know what it is or how it got that there, but Jewish puppet-masters are behind the whole thing. Those Jews think that only Jewish people, are completely human…and everybody else on Earth is there to serve them and this thing is some sort of weapon in their scheme.

Based on such insights, one can imagine seeing these objects showing up everywhere sometime soon. If they do not, it will just be a sign of how powerful this object truly is.


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Governor Cuomo Comes After the Powerful Black Lobby

Sad satire.

New York Governor Andrew Cuomo has become exasperated with the number of Black people dying from COVID-19. The numbers dwarf other groups in terms of infection rates and deaths and he decided it was time to do something about it.

At a press conference on Wednesday, Cuomo said that “the micro-cluster we’re focusing on is the Black communities.” He added that the government has tried to enforce laws to protect all New Yorkers but “enforcement from the local governments is very uneven especially when it’s politically sensitive. And that’s what we’re running to with lot of these Black folks, who are also very politically powerful, don’t kid yourself.

Fed up with the non-compliance of these Black New Yorkers, the governor said he’s going to take away their welfare checks. “[N]othing else I have done has motivated them — not my rapier wit, not my sense of humor, not my guilt, not my blame, not my admonition, and not my pleas. Maybe money works.

Cuomo added that he will not only apply the money ploy on individuals but on Black schools which are already performing worse than White schools. “If they violate the health order, they [their schools] will not receive funding.

Some people in the Black community have complained that they are being targeted once again, much like the Stop-and-Frisk program which has now been derided as racist. Governor Cuomo strongly disagreed sayingWe focus our compliance enforcement efforts on geographic clusters that are generating hospitalizations. We can map where the cases come from, so somebody goes into a hospital and their address is 110 Adams Street in Brooklyn, and then we put a dot on 110 Adam street in Brooklyn … if that is in a cluster, we put a circle around that and we say we’re focusing on Adams Street. That may turn out to be a bar; it may turn out to be a restaurant; may turn out to be a summer camp; it may turn out to be a church; It may turn out to be a synagogue.” It’s the exact same thing the police does in deploying officers around the city in focusing on areas with high crime rates; it’s simply a coincidence that those areas have a high concentration of Black people.

Trying to appear nuanced, Cuomo added “the Black community, the African-American community, we’re not talking about a monolith here, right? Many groups have been cooperative and have been helpful, and I want to acknowledge that also.

Members of the Black community are suing the city and state for what they see as blatantly racist policies. Yet not all Blacks agree, with some sharing that they support police coming out in large numbers to high crime areas and enforcing stop-and-risk as well as using the threat of stripping welfare checks and defunding schools to get violent and non-compliant Blacks on the straight-and-narrow. A leading Black lesbian pastor who is also married to the head of the 1.7 million member teacher’s union said it “is not an anti-Black act on the part of our city and country in the attempt to save lives.

**Note- all quotes above are actual quotes but relate to Jews, not Blacks**

To continue this inversion, imagine this actual text being used for Jews as to why so many are dying from COVID-19:

“The reasons are complex: Jews in Brooklyn are more likely to be poor, work in industries that expose them to the virus, live in crowded spaces, and have chronic health conditions.

And then there’s the anti-Semitism and violence that Orthodox Jews experience on a daily basis, which puts their health at risk.”


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Purim 2020, Jewish Haikus

While the format of a traditional haiku is seventeen syllables in a 5/7/5 format, for this Purim, I have decided to use the Jewish chai’ku which has 18 syllables in an escalating 5/6/7 format, with some license.


I don my costume
The latest from Disney.
Rabbi’s grandson wears the same.

Her name Hadassah
Later called Queen Esther
First of Her Name, Breaker of Chains.

We all hear “Haman”
The groggers fall silent
My stomach growls, loudly.

The good guys triumph!
How unusual. Ah,
Not written in Israel.

Megillah two times
Yet Chanukah has none!
Al Ha’nissim inequality.

Diaspora Purim
Large meal and much drinking
Why only a single day?

Mishloah Manot
Only need two items
But don’t want label “cheap friend.”

Stale Hamantashen
Clearly weak store-bought fare
I rummage to find homemade.

Yes, I like muhn
A single day a year
A sweeter poppy bagel.

Two weeks trapped inside
Called for “Calm” Purim shpiel.
What day is Purim Sheni?


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Bernie Sanders’ New Book: Nazi Germany Had Clean Streets

A satire.

 

In response to the attacks on him about comments he made about Cuba’s Fidel Castro overseeing a great educational system, Senator Bernie Sanders opted to double down with a short book about his top dozen favorite leaders. It is called “Nazi Germany Had Clean Streets.” The Table of Contents is below.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

  1. Libya’s Muammar Gaddafi Eradicated Evil Large Multinational Corporations
  2. Iraq’s Saddam Hussein Significantly Reduced the Size of His Standing Army More Than any Leader in Modern History
  3. Uganda’s Idi Amin Had a Free Public Transportation System, Especially for Jews Entering the Country
  4. Korea’s Kim Jong II Oversaw the Single Largest Decrease in any Country’s Carbon Footprint
  5. Vladimir Lenin Was Efficient at Separating Church and State
  6. China’s Mao Zedong Instituted the Greatest Redistribution of Wealth Over the Past Century
  7. Chile’s Augusto Pinochet Provided Free Child Care
  8. Pol Pot Provided Free Burial Services to Everyone
  9. Hitler Introduced Taxidermy as an After-School Program
  10. Joseph Stalin Had More White People Than Blacks in Prison
  11. Syria’s Bashar al Assad Leveled the Housing Market for Everyone
  12. Finally, My Hero: The Architect of the French Revolution, Maximilien Robespierre, was at the Vanguard of Grass Roots Socialism

When asked by reporters why he didn’t include Israel’s Benjamin Netanyahu in the book, he responded “I cannot find a single positive thing to say about that racist.”


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Bilhah and Zilpah Get Their Due

A satire.

Rabbi Jonina Jett finished the last refrain of her song and put the guitar down alongside the holy ark which held the temple’s two torahs. She fixed her pink and white tallit which had slipped down her black leather jacket and moved towards the microphone to address the one hundred or so worshipers.

Her congregation at Sisters of Tikkun Olam in California were used to passionate sermons from their outspoken life minister, but she was clearly more agitated that Saturday morning.

“My dear sisters,” Rabbi Jett began, “today is World Population Day, the day when we all must speak loudly about the real threat of the human population growing wildly out of control. It is a growing risk which has exacerbated climate change and threatens our planet and our very existence.”

She paused to survey her lesbian Jewish parishioners. A few began to nod in agreement, so she leaned in a bit more.

“Bernie Sanders told the world the truth: that we need to think about radical population control to save our world. It is the very essence of tikkun olam, repairing the damage that we have caused.” The very mention of Sanders brought the whole congregation together and everybody nodded in agreement. A few womyn even clapped.

“We are not living in the totalitarian world of “The Handmaid’s Tale” where almost everybody is infertile! It’s the very opposite, where only a few of us holy sisters are taking action with our bodies and choosing to NOT have children while much of the world falls under the weight and might of the patriarchy!” Pay dirt. The call of “patriarchy” brought the crowd to its feet.

Her point made, Rabbi Jett pivoted the speech.

“Yes, yes! We have taken responsibility for our lives and our planet! Each of us has acted in noble ways in our homes. But today I want to talk to you about something we should do as a community, right here in our sanctuary, in our liturgy. I want all of you to open your prayer books to the Amidah, the silent prayer.”

The audience became a congregation again and took their seats, flipping open the prayer books until the found they right page.

“Decades ago, feminist and progressive rabbis altered the opening lines of this central prayer to add the names of the matriarchs of Judaism: Sarah, Rebecca, Leah and Rachel. They broke with the mold of a male-dominated history and connection to God. But they did not do enough.” Becoming emotional, she cleared her throat and took a sip of water before continuing.

“Like all of you, I have watched “The Handmaid’s Tale” several times. I have been shaken to my core at a world that actually does NOT seem so different from our own. A world where women’s bodies are treated as possessions, in which society decides the fate of our beings and our offspring. We must all internalize that this dystopian world is not just a creation of fiction, but has basis in fact. In our own religion.

“Our own matriarchs and patriarchs used women as breeding machines. Four of the twelve tribes were brought into this world by the handmaidens of Rachel and Leah. One-third of the Jewish people.” She paused to let the point sink in. “And we have erased these mothers. Their bodies are not buried in Hebron. We do not speak their names.

“But they have names, and it is time to recognize the dark side of our history.

“There is a pen in front of each of you and I want you to take it and write the names of ‘Bilhah and Zilpah‘ right after our treasured matriarchs. These women are part of our story too. We owe it to them, to the modern day sexual slaves around the world, and to ourselves to remember them each and every day.”

As the congregation dutifully inscribed their prayer books, Rabbi Jett removed her jacket and showed everyone the new tattoos of “Bilhah” and “Zilpah” inked in Hebrew letters on her left forearm. “Let us never forget our fellow women, or we will be doomed to follow their fate.”

While her face was cold and determined, Rabbi Jett smiled to herself as she watched her flock follow her lead mouthing the names of “Bilhah’ and ‘Zilpah’.


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Ilhan Omar and AOC Try To Reclaim The Word ‘Holocaust’

A satire.

Inspired by the ground-breaking work of Dr. Nira Cain-N’Degeocello (Sasha Baron Cohen in ‘Who is America’), Congresswoman Ilhan Omar (D-MN) and Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) are advancing a bill to reclaim the word ‘Holocaust,’ much as their liberal champion is fighting to reclaim the word ‘pedophile.’

“I am a pedophile in that I love children. And I reclaim that word because it has been stolen by the abusers. I love children and I am a proud pedophile.”

Dr. Nira Cain-N’Degecello in Season 1 Episode 4

AOC had channeled her scorn against the Trump Administration and said that the U.S. was making ‘concentration camps’ for Latin immigrants in the United States and that Jews should be the most sensitive to the crimes of the Republican administration which is waging a Holocaust against Hispanic children. Newsweek came to AOC’s defense by listing various academics who pointed out how concentration camps existed long before World War II.

Ilhan Omar said she was disgusted by alt-right Jews attacking her fellow liberal colleague. She held up a Merriam-Webster Dictionary and said “the word ‘Holocaust‘ is defined as ‘a thorough destruction involving extensive loss of life especially through fire.’ No ‘Jew’ in the definition. It is a word that existed long before Zionis… excuse me, Jews, died in World War II. We cannot continue to allow Zioni.. excuse me, Jews to steal our language from us, or buy it off with a bunch of Benjamins.

AOC said Republicans were missing the critical point of her comment: “Hispanics in this country are being forced into death marches to get here and are suffering pogroms under the direct orders of this Republican Nazi government, just as the Jews suffered under Germany’s government. All my Jewish coastal liberal latte-drinking out-of-touch politically-correct constituents agree with me.” She then added, “and you know I’m part Jewish too.

Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) on Twitter

Omar was more direct. “Holocaust imagery has been stolen by Zionist abusers. They don’t own all of the world’s suffering and they cannot steal everything they want. I am a black woman Muslim refugee. I have suffered a thousand times more than the millionaire Jewish bankers who attack me. I stand with AOC and we will reclaim all of these words on behalf of the downtrodden including: ‘Holocaust,’ ‘concentration camps,’ ‘death march,’ ‘pogrom,’ ‘crematoria’, and anything else we accidentally say in the future and need to defend rather than admit stupidity and guilt.

David Duke, former Grand Wizard of the KKK even chimed in to defend AOC: “The Nazis didn’t create the swastika; it was around for a thousand years. But the German government bans its use today as a cowardly retreat to Jews because they’re sensitive about some Jews dying a generation ago. I hope that AOC starts to wear one to congress to shut them [the Jews] up.”

Palestinian Authority President-for-Life Mahmoud Abbas cheered the initiative. “It’s well passed time for the Democrats to take back words which Jews stole for themselves years ago. They colonized language like they do everything else. I’ve been using the termsgenocide‘ and ‘ethnic cleansing‘ for years and the United Nations never complained. Matter of fact, they cheered. J Street even complemented me.

Brant Rosen, an alt-left anti-Zionist on the board of Jewish Voice for Peace penned his agreement with both Omar and AOC: “You know, even the word ‘Jude‘ was around for a long time. It was really the Beatles who made the word famous, even though right-wing and Orthodox-looking Jews would have you believe otherwise.

Linda Sarsour, a founder of the ‘Woman’s March’ said the whole thing stinks. “This a blood libel if there ever was one. The Judenrat are trying to kill Hispanic babies while pointing fingers at AOC as a distraction. I suggest doing a DNA test on all babkas and challahs in Jewish neighborhoods along the border.”

Congresswoman Rashida Tlaib (D-MI) added “the final solution to this Fuhrer – er, furor – is to stop the blitzkrieg against our human rights leaders like AOC and recognize that it’s the Republicans that are Nazis. I swear on my grandmother’s original edition of Mein Kampf.”

“It’s this whole evil hypnosis thing all over again,” Omar sighed. “I say, ‘Never Again.’


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Palestinians of Today and the Holocaust

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NY Times’ Sarah Jeong Guides Rep Ilhan Omar Tweets

A satire.

Rep. Ilhan Omar is under the microscope for some poorly worded tweets and comments she made about Israel supporters over the past few weeks, so Sarah Jeong, a member of The New York Times editorial board has tried to come to her rescue.

Jeong assumed she would be a natural to help Omar since she got into hot water for tweets she made, but came out unscathed. Some of Jeong’s famous tweets included:

  • Are white people genetically predisposed to burn faster in the sun, thus logically being only fit to live underground like groveling goblins”
  • “white people marking up the internet with their opinions like dogs pissing on fire hydrants”
  • “Oh man it’s kind of sick how much joy I get out of being cruel to old white men.”

Jeong reached out to Omar to council her on bashing Zionists effectively. “You got to own it, girl,” she reportedly said. “The problem is that you didn’t lean in all the way. Bash those mother-f***ing white Jews and stare them in the face while you do it. With a smile, of course.

Jeong worked with Omar in scripting some choice tweets to be unveiled at choice times during the rest of the year. Some of their current lines include:

  • “Jews took my comments about ‘Benjamins’ the wrong way; I love Jewish money. I doodle yamulkes on the bills atop all of the white presidents.”
  • “That whole ‘hypnotize’ comment was after I watched Israeli mentalist Lior Suchard. Blame him.”
  • “When I said I was against lobbying for foreign entities, I meant I didn’t want Israeli food carts in front of the building. I’m allergic to Hummus.”

Linda Sarsour thought the tweets were too clever and funny. She worked with Omar on a different set:

  • “I truly enjoy when rich white Jewish men complain to a black immigrant woman that their feelings are hurt.”
  • “Did Bibi [Netanyahu] get his nickname from wearing a beanie as a kid or from shooting BB guns at Arabs?”
  • “if it were up to [Nita] Lowey and [Eliot] Engel, they would swap out the stars in the US flag to six pointed Jew stars.”
  • “Have you noticed how prickly Jews get when you talk about money – whether taxes, or BDS, or aid to Israel? It gives me a sublime high”
  • “How many times am I am going to listen to 6 million dead grandparents? I lived through hell in Somalia and I didn’t complain as much”
  • “I never suggested that American Jews have dual loyalty. I don’t think they have any loyalty to America at all.”
  • “If I can get both David Duke and Louis Farrakhan supporting what I’m saying, not only am I clearly right, I should win the Nobel Peace Prize for bringing these two together.”

There were several tweets up in the air like “Sieg Heil,” because Jeong wasn’t sure people would get the context, especially since they weren’t sure when they would post it. The new hashtag #AntiSemitesLivesMatter was deemed too copycat of #BlackLivesMatter, and the line “I love reverse racism when it’s in the negative and not directed at me,” was considered too complicated and not re-tweetable.

Marc Lamont Hill gave his seal of approval on both sets of tweets and previewed that Omar’s draft of upcoming tweets were not anti-Semitic on Al Jazeera, AJ+, and several media outlets run by Arab and Muslim countries. “As a man of color, I can clearly tell you what is and what is not racism and hate speech. Everyone watching should feel completely comfortable re-tweeting and using the same words in public with pride.”

Meanwhile, Jeong is very busy trying to get Lamont Hill onto the New York Times editorial board.


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Google to Stop Displaying Pictures of Israeli Flags in East Jerusalem and West Bank

A satire?

In response to Airbnb’s decision to not show any listings of rooms owned by Jewish Israelis (ROJI’s) for rental anymore, other technology firms have begun to rethink their position on the subject as well.

  • Google has decided to ban the display of the Israeli flag at the Kotel, as it harms the sensibilities of Arab Muslims
  • YouTube will block videos of Jews walking on the Temple Mount, as it is a core issue blocking peace in the region
  • Vice Media will only refer to Jerusalem as “Al Quds” and the Temple Mount as “The Al Aqsa Compound” to avoid offending 1.8 billion Muslims worldwide
  • Uber will no longer pick up any Jews in the West Bank
  • Spotify will only play Arabic songs in the Middle East, to keep the Arab culture pure
  • Expedia will only list hotels owned by non-Jews in Israel and the West Bank, to show its stance in opposition to Jewish colonialism
  • Amazon will only sell books which refer to the entirety of Gaza, the West Bank and Israel as “Palestine”
  • Facebook declared that the pages of Hamas and Islamic Jihad will both be reinstated and that of the Zionist Organization of America will be blocked
  • Netflix announced the cancellation of “Fauda” and will replace it with a new show called “Jihad”
  • Apple will no longer buy any Israeli technology companies that help the “occupation”
  • Microsoft said that it’s Skype program will no longer be available to any Zionists, as determined by an algorithm embedded in its operating system
  • Intel is working on a patch to its Mobileye business that will disable all safety features if a Jew or Zionist is driving

The United Nations and The New York Times noted that these were already established policies so did not need to make any updates or changes.


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“Protocols of the Elders of Zion – The Musical”

A satire

Former Pink Floyd front-man Roger Waters just finished his new project called “The Powerful Jew.” The sprawling effort includes a movie, play and musical score. The most powerful songs include “Wish You Weren’t Here,” “Us and Them Jews,” “Money, All Jews Talk About is Money,” and the anthem “Pig Man,” about the evil Jew stealing and controlling world resources.

Floating pig with Jewish star at Waters’ concert

It has been getting a lot of attention in previews.

  • The New York Times called the work a “masterpiece” on par with the opera “The Death of Klinghoffer
  • Louis Farrakhan gave it “two Satanic Jew horns’ up
  • Al Jazeera said the movie “highlighted how Israeli forces are attempting to Judaize the world via various measures of control. They are attempting a takeover of Arab and global resources for their own benefit. Waters hit the mark.
  • Linda Sarsour, Melissa Harris-Perry and Tamika Mallory, organizers of the Women’s March said that the movie and music were “great” and loudly defended Roger Waters against charges that he is an anti-Semite: “Waters is no anti-Semite. He has enemies, just like Jesus had enemies for telling the truth.”
  • Ilhan Omar, a Democratic Socialist who just won election in Minnesota said that she will use some of the music from the album at her swearing in ceremony. “Waters’ work shows how the Zionist Jews have hypnotized the world. May Allah awaken the people to see the evil that is Israel.”

However, not everyone has loudly endorsed the album.

Former President Barack Obama said he didn’t think any of the songs would make his playlist for 2018. “I already have Palestinian rapper DJ Khaled on my favorite list. If I have too many [artists] who shout ‘Free Palestine’ on it, people will question my pro-Israel bona fides.”

UK Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn criticized Obama’s reaction to the work. Corbyn said “Waters is ‘an ambassador for peace,’ and members of Israeli government are war criminals. That’s the truth and I stand proudly with Waters. Shame on Obama and other government leaders for hiding in the shadows, still living in fear of their Jewish masters.

Corbyn is pushing Queen Elizabeth to knight Waters for his lifetime of work unveiling the global Jewish conspiracy. His target date is 23 May 2019, to coincide with the 80th anniversary of the British White Paper which capped Jewish immigration to Palestine, resulting in the deaths of well over 100,000 of Jews in Europe.

When Waters was asked about the knighthood being proposed by Corbyn for the work against the evil Jewish empire, he repliedMe? I’m going to have a cigar. Corbyn? He’s gonna go far and fly high. Our goal of eradicating Israel? It’s never gonna die. Our mission of enlisting the world to combat the evil Jew? It could be made into a monster if we all pull together as a team.”


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Ben & Jerry’s New Flavor: Milano Zio

A satire.

Ben & Jerry’s unveiled its latest ice cream called “Pecan Resist,” a flavor that pays homage to the anti-Trump movement. The company’s founders announced that proceeds from sales of Pecan Resist will go to benefit four progressive groups including the Women’s March. The cover of the ice cream packaging includes illustrations of the organizers of the Women’s March, including those whom are fiercely anti-Zionist and proudly associate with antisemites including Louis Farrakhan.

Being progressive capitalists at heart, Ben & Jerry’s has opted to sell yet another flavor trying to appeal to progressives who aren’t antisemites. It is called “Milano Zio,” named after Alyssa Milano who refuses to be associated with the Women’s March until its promoters Linda Sarsour and Tamika Mallory condemn Farrakhan.

While Pecan Resist was mostly dark with chocolate ice cream and included an assortment of nuts, Milano Zio will be made of vanilla ice cream with pieces of Milano cookies to add a drop of color and crunch. A small sliced carrot will sit atop the ice cream, as a shout out to gefilte fish.

Asked by reporters why they decided to launch a new flavor trying to appeal to Jews and Zionists, the ice cream makers directed them to look at the message on the container. It reads:

“Together we can build a more just and equitable tomorrow. Just as Pecan Resist can foster a future that values inclusivity, equality, and justice for people of color, women, the LGBTQ community, refugees, and immigrants, we believe that there is a place in the world for Jews and a Jewish State. However, as progressives, we dare not include these people with our general message of inclusivity.”

Asked for clarification on what the statement meant, the Ben & Jerry’s spokesman said: “The Black Lives Matter and Women’s March were completely against the Jews and Zionists being included in our peaceful message so we needed to handle them separately.

Like the small number of Jews and tiny State of Israel, the Milano Zio flavor will only be sold in a new quarter pint size.

Proceeds from the sale of Milano Zio will go to Jerusalem’s Shaare Zedek Hospital’s new center for lactose intolerance.


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