A satire of Hillary Clinton’s deleted personal emails
Can you make me something a little less boxy? Bill says I look like a Lego-character. Nothing too hip; I don’t want to lose my New England fan base.
Your JDate account just automatically renewed. Can you please cancel it? We’ve been over this before…
Good news. I spoke to your doctor about your concussion. She said you hit the part of the brain that handles the function distinguishing between good and evil, so there’s really nowhere to go but up.
Can you believe that arrogant pr*ck? He named his new dog after himself, “BO.” What kind of idiot calls his dog “Junior”?
Just heard Michelle has a staff of over 40! I knew someone would come along and have a larger first spouse-staff than I did. I just assumed it would be you!
When you see the Sultan [of Brunei] next week, please tell him he’s behind on his contributions to both my library and CGI [Clinton Global Initiative]. Give him a month [to pay up] before you attack his human rights abuses.
That b*tch Oprah took my spotlight on The View. I barely got to push my book. I need to find a new generation of journalists to field me softball questions and raise millions of dollars and Big O was sopping up all of the sun.
While I know the blue dress and black wig is your Halloween costume, would you mind wearing it on Valentine’s Day?
Mom, why don’t you ask Nancy [Pelosi] who does her face? It’s not like you’d be wearing the same dress.
Hill, you tell your mother-f**in boss to stop walking around like he’s the messiah; that’s our f**in office he’s in.
I feel like I live in a 48 hour per day-world since I work 24/7 and still spend half of my day on personal emails.
I’ve been doing a lot of spying on world leaders lately. How can we make sure that no one spies on us? Do we control all of our emails?
From: Egyptian President Mubarak
My dear Hillary, please bring over a few cartons of those amazing US cigarettes on your next visit. They are the only things that “boost” my libido.
Can you believe it? I almost lost “Most Admired Woman” in the last Gallup poll to Palin. I hate this country. Why don’t they love me?
Don’t worry about marrying a Jew. You’ll see, one day the Gore girls will marry Jews too.
To: Huma [Abedin, married to Anthony Weiner, aid to Hillary]
I saw your husband’s picture – not bad, not bad at all. That’s what I call a shmuck!
I have to tell you- Beyoncé was right. Libya is really nice.
Mom, I hope you don’t mind that I have termed you “TechnoMom” as you’ve been so cutting edge on social media. I hope it doesn’t bite you in the ass one day.